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IN THIS ISSUE: DON'T "SHOULD" ON YOURSELF OR OTHERS!
WISDOM: Demands are deadly. (Someone must have said that before.)
COACHES CHALLENGE: Try eliminating the words "should", "ought to" and "have to" from your vocabulary. They serve no human purpose.
SOUL TRAVEL: CAMELCAMP IN KENYA
DON'T "SHOULD" ON YOURSELF OR OTHERS!
Someone gave me the gift of this phrase a long time ago and it stuck. The words "should", "ought to", "have to" are dehumanizing. They create blind behavior that is unattached to meaning or one's values. They create CHORES and DEMANDS. Our world is screaming those words at us constantly, and many people accept that framework for most of what they do each day. Even worse is when we generate our own internal "shoulds". Remorse, blame and guilt follow the "should" as moisture follows the rain. When we do things from that place, we are either behaving like Pavlov's dog (akin to being dead) or in a high state of internal rebellion (akin to dying). How can there be any joy? No joy is the psychological cost we pay when we use such languaging on ourselves and others.
Okay, so you "have to" pay the mortgage, you "have to" go to work, you "should" clean the house, your child "has to" do his homework and on and on. Query: Is there a value being served by what you perceive you "should" do or what you are telling someone else they "have to" do? What if you did what you do simply because it felt right to you, because it made life better for yourself and/or others? What if, when you asked others to do something, you asked from that same place? What changes for you when you adjust the characterization of what you "have to" do to one of choice and desire because a value you hold is being served? What changes for me is that Life Lightens Up and has more meaning.
If you aren't able to identify a value you are serving when doing a task, DON'T DO THE TASK! To go forward with it from a place of "have to" will put you totally out of integrity with yourself. A payback is almost certain and paybacks aren't fun.
CAMEL CAMP IN KENYA
My guide in Lewa Downs had driven me some distance and deposited me in a small opening on the bank of a river. Eventually four Maasai emerged from the dense brush draped in their traditional red cloth and carrying spears, machetes, and clubs called "ruangos" . Such armament was serious defense in the event we were confronted by an unmanageable wild animal. They carried my bags and we walked about an hour to a camp that had been set up in the wilderness for our camel safari. Actually, it was more like "my" camel safari, for, except for a staff of 26 Maasai and 22 camels, there didn't seem to be anyone else there.* I was somewhat relieved when I finally noticed one other tent besides mine. (The tent consisted of a tarp and a large sheet of plastic.) Feeling very much like Isak Denisen, I sat alone at a small table in the warm African light of late afternoon and was served tea and cookies.
The two other guests and the guide finally returned from the day's camel trek. The guests were a couple who lived in Moscow. He was Scottish and she, English. Their final destination was the home of a relative who lived near Mt. Kenya. Bartsula, our Maasai guide, spoke perfect English.
The afternoon soon gave way to evening and dinner. Several Maasai busied themselves cooking over open fires and eventually served us a delicious meal. Over dinner Bartsula spoke of his life and his village. When he isn't leading camel treks, he explained, he is tending his cattle. His eleven-year old daughter watches the cattle and other livestock in his absence. Proudly, he told the story of how she had recently saved a goat from a leopard. When he went home, he was planning to reward her by giving her three goats. (I wonder if my children ever would have thought a gift of three goats was a reward, but then they probably would have let the leopard get the goat.)
Morning! I crawled out of my modest shelter, ate a lusty breakfast and was ably assisted in boarding a camel. This is not a graceful procedure.
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The other couple decided to walk. That should have been my first clue. Although you have a great vantage point from atop a camel, you need to be prepared to ignore what is happening to your own tail end. Camels lurch! The beautiful scenery, however, almost compensated for the four hours of bottom bruising bouncing.
Our destination turned out to be a totally different campsite. During our trek, the original camp had been completely dismantled and set up again a few miles away. This portaging explained why 22 camels were a necessary part of the entourage. That evening Bartsula told the story of how he had saved someone's life by throwing his ruango at a cobra that had been ready to strike and killing it. Camel riding suddenly became more appealing.
Later that afternoon, we walked to a small Maasai village and were greeted by a group of "moran". These are the young Maasai teenagers who are in training to become men prior to rite of circumcision. Their job it is to tend the cattle. Dancing and chanting for us, they displayed great athletic prowess by taking turns jumping three to four feet high from a standing position, their bodies erect the entire time. It seemed as though an unseen puppeteer was controlling them from above.
The rest of the village entertained us with other demonstrations. We watched the blacksmith making spears, a cooperative effort to gather honey from the top of a tree after smoking out the bees, and women preparing gourds before filling them with milk by lighting sticks and smoking the inside of the gourd. (Apparently this not only flavors the milk but keeps it drinkable for a few days.) The most amusing demonstration was that of a clever hunting strategy. After fashioning a mask to resemble an oryx, the mask was placed over the face of a burro. The hunter crouched down on one side of the burro with spear in hand and pretended to lead the burro into a herd of oryx - the old wolf in sheep's clothing trick. Too soon it was time to leave this small village and the villagers' wonderful hospitality and eagerness to share their culture with us.
Sitting around a campfire that evening after a dinner of lamb, polenta, biscuits and vegetables, we heard the sweet chanting in the distance of the moran returning to the village with their cattle. The fire, the song of the chanting moran, the presence of the regal Maasai swathed in their bright red cloth**, the unfamiliar sounds of the African night, the intimacy of the evening shared by just two other guests, all merged into what felt like a surreal time warp. It remains a vivid and magical memory today.
The next morning it was time to leave. This meant another camel ride for a few hours to a spot where a bush plane would pick me up and take me to an airport so I could catch a flight to the Masai Mara. This second camel ride was not anticipated and I could not bring myself to request walking after I saw that the preparations had all been made and the camel saddled. Two blisters later, we arrived at the clearing for the plane. What really amazed me was the fact that here I stood, in the middle of nowhere, having come from even further from nowhere for a rendezvous with a bush pilot and within fifteen minutes, like clockwork, the plane was circling overhead. And all without cell phones. I boarded the plane and looked forward eagerly to my next adventure in the Masai Mara game preserve.
*My sense was that some people had canceled as the U.S. Embassy had been bombed the week before my arrival.
** Only men who have been circumcised wear the red "dress". This is the mark of the warrior.
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BY THE TIME YOU RECEIVE THIS I WILLHAVE ARRIVED IN NORWAY TO BEGIN A TEN DAY TRIP ON MY OWN AND THEN JOINING AN ECO TOUR ON BOARD A SHIP TO THE SVALBAARD ISLANDS WHICH ARE VERY CLOSE TO THE ARCTIC CIRCLE! WILL BE MAKING LOTS OF ZODIAC LANDINGS AND HOPE TO SEE AND PHOTOGRAPH LOTS OF WILDLIFE, INCLUDING POLAR BEAR.
THOUGHT FOR THE MONTH: He who "shoulds" on himself and his fellow man receives lots of "shoulds" in return and, ultimately, risks his self worth. Allison
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WINGS Vol. II, No. 6, June, 2003
